Couple & Relationship Counseling

Are You Feeling Angry, Hurt, or Lonely in Your Relationship?

Have you and your partner been experiencing difficulties lately? Has your connection to your partner been strained due to conflict? Maybe your differences have reached a boiling point, and you don’t know whether you should stay together or separate. Or perhaps your conflict is rooted in a loss of trust after an affair, differing needs, or one of you wanting changes in the relationship while the other doesn’t. 

Whatever the issue, your interests may no longer line up, leading to an increase of arguments and tension. As frustration builds up and emotional distance grows, the connection you once had is starting to wane or disappear altogether.

Even if your relational needs never match up perfectly, your relationship could be happier and healthier if you both feel validated and heard. But the situation between you has grown so complicated, you don’t know where to begin to address your problems. Perhaps you both feel strongly about what you want or don’t want, which makes it difficult to communicate your needs and be fully heard by each other.

Do you wish you could go back to the way things were? Are you ready to talk to a professional about how to get your relationship back on track?

Many Couples Get Stuck In Unhelpful Communication And Behavior Patterns

Bonding and connection with a partner are two driving forces that make life and relationship so enjoyable. Yet many people struggle to navigate through relational speed bumps, especially when it feels as though you are having the same disagreements without end. Even while you love each other, there may be difficulty seeing beyond your own wants and needs to understand those of your partner. 

If you’re having the same arguments over and over without getting any closer to a resolution, you may feel frustrated and stuck. Unhelpful and potentially hurtful communication issues, such as interrupting or using defensive body language, can be a huge part of why you can’t seem to get on the same page about your future. 

On the other hand, when you both feel your needs and concerns are heard and understood by your partner, you can better protect your boundaries while having increased compassion for each other. Furthermore, when you work together as partners rather than stand as adversaries, you can affirm the values you share, which affect the decisions you make together in a positive way.

With the help of a couples therapist, you can slow down, listen intently, get to the essence of the issues that are undermining your relationship, and make needed change. When both of you want to restore your intimacy, improve your communication, and rediscover your connection, anything is possible.

Couples Therapy Can Help Promote Better Communication And Intimacy

My role as a couples therapist is to help people define their relationships, restore lost connections, and rediscover pleasure, both physically and emotionally. I create a safe, nonjudgmental space for partners to share their concerns about their relationship.

Two of the strategies I use in my practice are Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Relational Life Therapy (RLT). IFS is a model for understanding yourself better, knowing your internal experience, and communicating your needs better. RLT is a method that quickly gets to the root of problems. It’s an active type of therapy in which the therapist is upfront in noticing what is happening with a couple as they explain what is wrong. For example, as you both explain to me why you have chosen to come to therapy, I may take note of one partner constantly talking over the other, using harsh or belittling expressions, or body language that shuts down conversation rather than facilitate it (eye-rolling, arms folded, etc). These actions may seem subtle, but they can negatively affect relationship safety and cause further distance between you. 

In our sessions, I invite you both to relate more to one another rather than fight for individual needs. Once we establish a common goal for your relationship, such as rebuilding trust or making a big life decision, then we can begin working toward what the relationship needs in order to thrive. I firmly believe that improving healthy and relational communication naturally leads to restoration of intimacy, which helps improve the quality of your relationship overall.

Admittedly, things may seem hopeless and difficult right now. But if you can commit to rebuilding your future together, that is a good sign. No matter how long you’ve struggled with feeling unhappy, couples therapy can help you have increased intimacy, even if you previously felt emotionally threatened because you were vulnerable or had lost trust. Together, we can work toward solutions that will work for you.

You May Have Some Concerns About Couples Therapy…

Couples therapy is expensive. How long will we be seeing you?

Most people hope their relationship will last a lifetime, but they often seek help long after it is needed. The odds of having a successful life together are far better if you work on problems sooner. Couples therapy is an investment you are making in both your future and each other, which is a priceless commodity. The length of time we work together will depend on the issues you bring into session. I see couples weekly at first, then move to bi-monthly or monthly as their old patterns start to change. While I normally see couples for about three to six months total, sometimes people choose to continue therapy for a year or longer. I can give you a better estimate after we meet and discuss what is happening in your relationship.

What if my partner doesn’t want to come to therapy?

Couples therapy is most effective if both partners are on board. If you are hoping to make your relationship work, encourage your partner to try at least one therapy session. I firmly believe that the value of it will become clear very quickly. If you end up coming by yourself for a session or two, the skills you learn and bring home with you can impact your partner enough to want to give therapy a chance as a couple. If your partner is adamantly opposed to therapy, attending individual therapy can still help your relationship. As you begin to change from our work together, your relationship will also change.

What if it’s too late to help my partner and me?

Often couples wait a long time before seeking help. I have helped people on the brink of divorce to interact in healthier ways and experience connection after years of distance. If both parties are willing to work on the relationship, it is never too late. As long as you are committed to therapy and show up to do the work each week, you can get through whatever challenges stand in the way of your happiness.

Working With A Couples Therapist Can Help Your Relationship

If you are ready to take a step toward fixing your relationship problems, I offer a free 30-minute, in-person consultation. You can reach me at 512-769-4592.